Finally, the Messiah arrives!

No, not Jesus or any other deity for whom we have been waiting. No, the Messiah...as in Handel's Messiah. As in "Hallelujah Chorus" Messiah. There we go...about 5o% of you just said "Ah" in your heads. The other half may need some learnin'.

Though I just got my hands on it, we performed it way back in December. "We" are the members of the University of Arkansas Master Chorale, an ensemble of community members and UofA students, faculty, and staff. I sang with them last fall and it was a great experience. No audition necessary, but it is still a very good group, especially after the University's audition choir (Schola Cantorum) is added in for concerts. Most people sing one or two choruses. That had been my experience as well through Concert Choir at the UofA and in high school. This time was different. We learned and sang every single chorus.

It took a little longer to produce than they had anticipated. I haven't the foggiest idea about recording technology, but they produced an okay product. Several of the audience members said it was the best they had ever heard a live performance. Having the orchestra surely helped this. Having listened to it I can say the vocalists are drowned out by the instrumentalists a bit, but it does sound nice. As always, too many sopranos ruins the balance and a few squeakers hurt the blend, but it is still an enjoyable listen.

I even got all dressed up for it. How nice...a tux..during the holiday season. I clean up alright, don't I?

Garden Journal #1

(This was written about 4 weeks ago, waiting photos for posting)

Kyle's Ambitious Garden Plans
I knew that Kyle wanted a vegetable and herb garden. We talked briefly about it last spring, but decided we were too late to really get started, especially with the work that needed to be done on cleaning up the ice storm damage and putting a new roof on the house. For myself I imagined just one big, long row of something along side the fence. I don't care what it would be, but I had collard greens on my brain I guess. Just a bunch of stuff that I could give away to my friends to prove that I could grow something and to subtly encourage healthy eating habits. Little did I know how grand his plans would grow!

Kyle had something quite different in mind. I should have suspected when he came home with seed packets galore and starter kits. Then came the spreadsheets tracking germination and planning the beds. Oh, the beds! Raised beds! A whole bunch of them! I didn't volunteer to dig out all the grass turf for them, but I have helped a little here and there. As always little side projects distract us from on-going projects or chores. For example the lawn been rarely mowed this spring and taking out the back fence took priority over finishing the soil prep for the raised beds.

Current (May 30th) Garden

My Little Victory

I am probably too impatient to be a successful gardener. I want immediate results that will not fail. The idea of starting from seed and only having 20% of them germinate and survive is nerve-wracking for me. My preference would be annuals in six packs and for sure bulbs like daffodils. Same for vegetables. I was letting Kyle worry about all this seeding business knowing full well that when the time comes for results, I will be buying peppers and tomatoes that have got a good head start in the nursery.

While Kyle has been fooling with the seeds, I had a little surprise that has turned into a small victory. As you have probably read, I have an active compost pile. About two weeks ago I was out turning it when I spotted some new green growth coming out of it. I was not thrilled about this until I realized what it was. GARLIC! I had thrown out some small bulbs that had sprouted and not even thought about them taking root. I did a little research and decided that I was going to grow garlic this year. They should have been started back in about November for a long growing season, and they recommend starters that are certified disease free, but any kind of green growth makes me happy. So I grabbed a few more of the old garlic bulbs that really are past their prime, and planted them in my little hill of cooked compost from last year. They all rooted just fine and now they have been transplanted in the newly prepared raised bed.

Garlic bed as of May 30th

My victory is that with basically no work, I have green and growing plants that are bigger and prettier than anything Kyle has. Of course they will not produce the best results because they need a long growing season, but hey, they look pretty! (UPDATE: Garlic is in a normal bed now)

Now the question is should I transplant the three potato chunks that have sprouted in my active compost pile as well? It wasn't in the plans for the garden, but perhaps I should just try them out! (UPDATE: I did transplant the potato starts)

Done foolin' myself or: how I learned to stop rationalizing and leave the Church

UPDATE: A needed note. Someone called out a mistake in my writing. Well into this I talk about being a "deeper" Catholic than some. I was out of line on that one. I should have said that I attend church more often and participate more than some. Thank you H.

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This is the letter I am sending one of the campus ministers who helps run the campus Catholic parish that I attend in Fayetteville, Arkansas. I started attending this church when I was in grade school and returned to it when I became a college student. I am a core member of their wonderful little choir. The campus minister is NOT a priest...just a "helper" I guess. This campus minister has been there for much of my college experience and I greatly respect and appreciate her. I have talked many times with her about my doubts regarding the moral authority of the Church. Here, I tell her my journey with the Catholic Church is over.

__________________________________________________

******,

I am thinking that this will be my last semester at St. Thomas Aquinas. I have spent 10 years since having come out trying to rationalize how my participation in the Church does not harm millions of LGBT people, women, and the poor around the world.

I told myself that because I have not donated money in years, that I am not supporting the Church. I have told myself that I sing not out of service to the Church, but for personal enjoyment and the ego boost I get when someone gives us a compliment. I have stopped receiving communion because I don't want to pretend to even myself that I believe all that the Church stands for.

I was already drifting, but recent events have made the cognitive dissonance impossible to maintain. First, I personally know the gentleman who was sexually assaulted by the priest at St. Joseph in Fayetteville, and I completely believe his story. Yet I hear the priest is soon receiving a new assignment.

More important though, is the recent revelations surrounding Cardinal Ratzinger. I knew I didn't like him to begin with. I much prefer the spiritual leadership of two previous popes who died before I was even born. I have long rationalized that American Catholics follow their own beliefs and that the American Bishops sometime reflect this. Telling myself that I can be an American Catholic, and believe along with my peers that things like birth control are humane and not in conflict with G-d, used to comfort me and silence the questions from my friends, both non-believers and recovering Catholics in the LGBT and progressive communities.

Any kind of effort to hide the evil actions of priests is beyond rationalization. Keeping information from legal authorities is not just a sin against the state and its citizens, but it is a sin against G-d and his children. Cardinal Ratzinger equates freedom and equality for gay people with a violent act against human dignity. Out of the other side of his mouth he directs the Church to shelter those who act to destroy individual humans and families. I don't think the Church should hand down judgment as if they were G-d, but at minimum they should protect their members AND obey the law.

A sad fact of this is that I am probably a deeper Catholic in many ways than other people my age, or even my three brothers. My moral code is drawn from the teachings of Jesus and from the traditions of the Semitic people. My sense of humility (which sometimes keeps be from trying to succeed for myself) and duty to those less fortunate drive my political beliefs. I think politics should bring the gifts of G-d to the biggest number of people possible. The proverb of fish versus fishing means to me not that we “teach” people to somehow raise themselves to the middle class, or even to the working class for those in the developing world. I believe that the message for our day is that we should not temporarily relieve poverty or suffering and attach a deadline for such assistance. I believe we are to create an economy where there are so many opportunities and incentives for people to provide for themselves. If there are not enough jobs because of how we structure the perverse incentives of our greed as an economy, then we should provide for those that fall through the cracks. We should always be humble….and being humble to those around you is being humble to G-d.

The Bible talks far more about poverty and how we treat money than it talks about any of the issues that seemingly divide Americans today. The insistence of the Church on elevating issues of personal freedom like sexuality and contraception detracts from the great and pressing evil of governments that assist humanity in fulfilling en masse the basest of urges: greed. While the Church uses scare tactics and moralizing to discourage condom use in Africa, millions are infected with HIV and their illness wreaks havoc on the micro and macro economies in their nations. In this country the Church equates marriage equality to a threat against human dignity and an attack on families. Meanwhile our collective greed was allowed to entice families into situations so precarious that the slightest change in their financial situation sent them into bankruptcy and foreclosure. The statistics say nothing ruins a marriage and threatens the family like bankruptcy. The anecdotal evidence tends to agree.

I am at the point that I think calling myself a Catholic and associating with the Church is not my best option if I am to continue to try to contribute to a world that is worthy of a creator G-d. I feel like I will no longer attend a Catholic church regularly. Being invited to sing for weddings or funerals is still something that will draw me back from time to time. Attending in order to celebrate special personal rituals of my family members will also call me back. Whether I will call myself ex-Catholic or a recovering Catholic is a good question. Non-practicing? A cultural Catholic? Where do I go? The Unitarian Universalists?

So here I am on Holy Thursday about to leave the Church. I will fulfill my obligation to sing at Easter Mass and our upcoming Multicultural Mass. I owe that to my choir director and the people with whom I have enjoyed singing. I don’t owe the Church anything else and if I owe G-d and his people something, it certainly won’t be repaid through the Catholic Church.

******, your guidance has helped me to continue my faith journey at St. Thomas Aquinas. I feel that you reminded me that despite my frustrations that I should remain humble, be introspective, and seek to understand some universal wisdoms. You made me feel welcome as a human being. That respect was one of very few reasons why I tried to continue growing my resolve that the core Catholic teachings about what we are to do on this Earth are good and true things. Thank you for your patience and service to humanity.

Sincerely,

Casey Willits

PS. Feel free to share this with either Father or those with whom you work. Understanding the inner conflict of a rational and educated student surely helps St. Thomas Aquinas minister to the University of Arkansas community.

What is your Pearl Harbor?

During any discussion of current politics, one of my brothers always points out that he doesn’t want the rules to change midgame. He feels like significant changes in healthcare, tax structure, and global climate change are unfair to those who are in the middle of their lives. Now, says he doesn’t purposely want to destroy the environment or deny people medical care, but he doesn’t want to be told what he can and can’t do and he doesn’t want to have to pay for other people.

So let me get this right: changing our expectations and our commitments in a changing world is un-American? Liberals and Democrats are lambasted as un-American because they see current challenges abroad and within as calls to collective action and higher duty?

Where is this coming from you ask? What set you off this time Casey?

Well, let’s start at McDonalds at about 8:15 this morning. For a grad student like me with mainly night classes and flexible research hours, this is actually early for me to be up and around. Normally for breakfast I try to eat two eggs at home with some kind of fruit and a little whole grain, but this morning was just another piece of a horrible week and a half, so I threw my hands up and surrendered to mass produced food-like products.

Considering that my grandparents live at least 4 hours away and I am perpetually stuck in either collegiate or organizing mode, I don’t have a lot of contact with folks who are significantly older than me. But like many McDonalds during breakfast hours, the McDonalds closest to campus had a fairly good sized crowd of older folks “dining” this morning. There were two noticeable groups actually. I will get to the second one in a minute, but the older crowd is what made me start thinking first. The older crowd tended towards men and coffee. Some perhaps were only there for coffee and a few were reading newspapers. Most were probably retired but I heard one talking about a job he had to do next week. A few wives had tagged along with their husbands. These folks were probably the age of my grandparents. WWII cohort. The Greatest Generation. I didn’t listen long enough to hear any general political talk, but I heard a random “Russia didn’t even win a gold medal”, a reference to what I thought was an amazing Winter Olympics in Vancouver. Nothing special here really, just a bunch of old men enjoying coffee with their friends.

Now, about these old men coffee drinkers and the Greatest Generation. The world owes the relative “peace” of the last 6 decades to this generation. They were presented with a situation that called for sacrifice and changed expectations. A changing world called on them to create a new reality. As the world continues to change and we are presented with new situations, wouldn’t it make sense that we must change with the changing times?

I say accepting new conditions and proactively attacking the coming problems is as honorable as what Americans did during WWII. They certainly accepted a way of life far different than they would have preferred. We complain about regulations that might possibly raise the price of dirty energy or gas guzzling cars, but they couldn’t buy cars at all during the war. Why not tax sugary drinks that are fueling our obesity crisis when our forefathers experienced rationing of sugar, butter, and all kinds of things in order to achieve a group goal.

I guess sacrifice is more honorable when it comes voluntarily from every single individual, but plenty of those soldiers in WWII and Korea and Vietnam were conscripted. We certainly don’t down play what they did and their forced sacrifice is still probably what was needed.

The United States probably should have entered WWII before they did. It was too controversial to step into the war before we were totally surprised at Pearl Harbor. Sure, many people then volunteered with the threat of imminent destruction at hand. Are we going to have to wait until disastrous conditions occur? What if it is too late with too many PPM CO2 in the atmosphere? Do we have to wait for universal health insurance until it is evident that the American economy cannot afford to spend nearly double what other countries spend? How long must we give tax breaks to the rich holding onto the idea that it will make anyone but the wealthy wealthier?

So tell me climate change skeptics, what is your Pearl Harbor? At what point will you believe and allow substantial policy change to occur?

Middle income and working class Americans who face service cuts and tax hikes, what is your Pearl Harbor? At what point will you ally yourselves with each other, rather than with the wealthy whom you hope to someday join?

All you Americans who fear insurance and medical bills getting in the way of your dreams, what is your Pearl Harbor? At what point will you demand care for people over profits?

What is your Pearl Harbor?

State of the Union: late, but here are my responses

I watched the State of the Union and everyone seemed to immediately ask for my opinion. It was a little weird. I had no idea as many of my friends would be watching it as did. And for some reason they all wanted to know what I thought. Here are some of the things that came out of my mouth immediately. Then there are some things I thought longer about.

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That is the man who made me postpone grad school to go to long shot Georgia and most important swing state Florida. It's been awhile since I saw him, but I saw him tonight.

I don't quit. That has been my feeling for a long time about certain things. It does not mean that I don't fail. It just means that I don't quit. It took me 7 years, off and on, to finish my undergraduate degree. Some thought I was a failure, but I didn't quit. I first went to Florida thinking I could have an impact on an election, but that campaign did not work out for me. I didn't quit though....the day after I drove back to Arkansas is when I got the call to come work for Senator Obama and that led me back to Florida and I had an impact.

After the SOTU, an ex started texting me. He is 31, total corporate guy, making big money, never cared at all for politics, but thought that it was neat that I always was involved and aware and passionate. We dated like three years ago. Anyways, he starts texting. About how he watched...evidently really for the first time....and he cried...he bawled. I only choked up a bit, but had not cried. Then he sent me this: "Thx for doing what you have for him and all of us." That's when I cried. Obama moved a self-centered, corporate consumer to tears. I couldn't get through to this guy why I cared so much about everything. I had to go to Florida and put Obama in the White House so it would finally sink in.

My oldest brother dared to edge into discussion of the speech during dinner last night. I don't think his wife wanted us to start down that road but we did. All in all it was a calm and respectful discussion. My brother thought it is was ridiculous that the President so thoroughly called out the Republicans on their obstructionism. I thought it was completely appropriate. He didn't get one House Republican vote on the stimulus bill, but plenty of them have been all over those check presenting ceremonies when they "deliver" funds and jobs in their districts. Congressional Republicans have adopted a level of obstructionism that is unprecedented. It is not hyperbole. In the Senate the Republicans have threatened to filibuster EVERYTHING the President has attempted.

My brother said everything they (the Democrats) have presented has been unworthy. Well that is certainly how the Republicans have treated it. I don't buy the "they are jamming health care reform through too fast" argument. We are generations behind our peer nations in providing a minimum level of health care to ALL Americans. FDR tried, Truman tried, Johnson tried, Clinton tried, and Obama is trying now. Oddly enough, what little Johnson achieved in the field has become one of the most cherished social programs in American history. This should not be a bipartisan issue.

My brother was impressed by one particular part of the speech. He really liked that Obama explained his small business credit effort by describing that this would be from funds that the Big Banks have returned to the government. (Note: not only have funds been returned, but the FEES paid to the government in 2009 were XXX BILLION) This kind of reasoning and communication about it really connected with my brother and he expressed that more things like this should be done. I politely added that when President Obama gets to actually talk to the American people rather than Fox News "reporting" on it, it all makes better sense. (okay, now I sound like Sarah Palin with her "take it straight to the American people" line!)

Fox News provides a decent segue to the events surrounding the SOTU. The following day the House Republicans allowed President Obama to speak to them and answer questions. Don't ask me why the party that accuses Obama of being an expert orator allowed him to get up on national television and lecture their party. Anyways, if you didn't watch the entire thing, you really should.

Now back to the SOTU. I was particularly moved by President Obama's emphasis on repealing Don't Ask, Don't Tell. I especially like that he makes it an appeal to the humanity and patriotism of all Americans. I think the tide is turning in a very big way on DADT. I think it will be gone by 2012 for sure. No promises, but huge majorities of Americans support the repeal, so you would think things would start to move. An interesting thing about this polling is that when LGBT Americans are described as "gay men and lesbians" as opposed to "homosexuals" the strongly favor repeal category sees a 17% increase (thank you CBS). I guess this little change in wording might be the reason why more people support allowing women to fight in our armed forces than allowing "individuals prone to bleeding out of one of their orifices every 28 days" to do so. I think LGBT people should demand to be described in ways that are less de-humanizing than the very clinical approach of "homosexual."

Before I forget 2009...

Stolen from Misty's Popcorn on a Skillet.

Year in review 2009

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Went to grad school, missed my family Christmas

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I kept a big one: do well in school. I also got involved in my community to a great degree. I made a few vague but generally important resolutions for 2010.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My sister-in-law's brother had a his first child.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
He should have been far closer. My grandfather Gravatt died. Read about him here

5. What countries did you visit?
For me, Atlanta and New Orleans are different countries.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
a better functioning car, a summer internship

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
January 20th, It was cold here and even colder in Washington. Glad so many of my colleagues got to see the Inauguration of a very exciting President.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Becoming a graduate assistantship.

9. What was your biggest failure?
failure to develop more permanent health and leisure habits.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Luckily no.

11.What was the best thing you bought?

The first computer (laptop) I have ever paid for myself. I have had basically cheap hand me downs from family or old jobs for ten years.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
The LGBT community of NWA for becoming tighter and more willing to participate with each other.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Congressional Republicans. Honestly we have rarely seen such obstructionism. Anyone who says otherwise is itching for a fight. I kid....they just really don't know what they are talking about.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Well, most of it was not my money, now was it? Most of my student loan money went to paying general living expenses to keep me fully functioning as a student and community member. I did pay off my car though with a big chunk.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Going to New Orleans and to Atlanta so spend quality time with an old flame.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
Okay, this is where I cheat. I am going to put down four songs because they are around different experiences. I suggest you listen to the ones you don't recognize. Check here for 2009 hits.

Taylor Swift's "You Belong to Me"
Black Eyed Peas' "I gotta feeling"


Glee Cast's "Don't Stop Believin'"


La Roux's "Bulletproof"



17. Compared to this time last year, are you
i. happier or sadder?: happier
ii. thinner or fatter?: probably a shade thinner
iii. richer or poorer? richer (GA stipend is all it took!)

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
physical activity, pleasure reading, movies

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Reading of current events, wasting time on the internet, eating fast food during stress or school work

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
N/A next year is way too far away.

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?
I was reminded often of a deep appreciation and devotion to someone.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
"Glee"

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Sort of yes.... I try not to, but it happens.

26. What was the best book you read?
"Shock Doctrine" by Naomi Klein

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
La Roux (see #16)

28. What did you want and get?
Graduate assistantship, and there was this one cute guy I saw at a bar and we totally pursued each other for a little while.

29. What did you want and not get?
A vegetable garden in the yard

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Milk

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
27, but I really don't recall what I did.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
my computer not dying on me last spring.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
budding professor at school, but I never forgot my love of baseball caps

34. What kept you sane?
Long conversations with Joey, griping at Misty about foolish people, and a decent roommate

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Obama's speech writer, Jon Favreau

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Health insurance reform. I think the misinformation from the corporate conservatives borders on treason.

37. Who did you miss?
My colleagues from Georgia and Florida.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
If I tell, it will sound like I am not over him. But he is so much like me that we fought like cats and dogs!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:
You cannot hold the people you love to the standards that you wish the entire world would adopt. You must love them as is and still teach the world about what you value. The people you love might pick up on it and they might not. Hopefully they will understand your passion and support you whether they meet that standard or not.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Been there, done that, messed around
I’m having fun don’t put me down,
I’ll never let you sweep me off my feet,

A year of reading, 2009

So here is a recap of my reading from this year. 26 books total, 16 non-fiction and 10 fiction. That represents a change towards more fiction than I have been reading in the past few years. 26 is about usual for my reading, but I actually have a goal of reading less during 2010. I did not read enough of my school texts and literature this past year. Perhaps reading less for "pleasure" will make me read more of the school stuff.

One major achievement for me was finishing the entire Harry Potter series in Spanish. The first few took me months and months to read because I would only read a page or two at a time. Over the previous years I would be reading several books plus the Harry Potter, but this year I just read the Harry Potter in Spanish like a normal fiction book. I devoured them!! I really got to the point where I was reading at normal speed with great comprehension, though some words and phrases slipped past me. I miss them actually...now that I am done with them. It is easy reading, all things considered.

Everyone should read: In Defense of Food, Michael Pollan

This book gives such a good understanding that the "Western" diet of processed grains and especially sugar is just plain horrible for the human body. But part of the blame for our bad eating habits is because we don't have a standard and binding food culture that makes us eat small portions, or combine foods that are appropriate. This was a Everyone Reading The Same Book deal in Fayetteville this past year, and for good reason. Please...read this...all of you..

Biggest Disappointment: The War Within, Bob Woodward
This book just went on and on about nothing. I wanted to try to read a Woodward about something contemporary so that I would know something about it, but this book just sucked. Sorry Bob...I know you did some other great stuff...I just picked the wrong book.

Best Read, Fiction: The Reader, Bernhard Schlink
Wow. The movie amazed me so I went back to read the book. Evidently it is very typical of post-war German literature. I recognized it immediately and loved it.

Best Read, Non-fiction: The Shock Doctrine, Naomi Klein
You may very well lose all faith in America's odd form of capitalistic "diplomacy" after reading this book. The American government has supported radical overthrows of popular, though more socialistic, economic systems in many countries to the detriment of their citizens and the enrichment of American and multi-national corporations. Some of the economic "miracles" are hardly such when looked at critically, especially considering most could only be accomplished by denying civil rights to huge portions of those countries. Well worth the read.

The reading list. Those bolded I highly recommend.

The Children of Men - P.D. James
Plan B, 3.0 - Lester Brown
The Way to the West - Elliot West
The New American Poverty - Michael Harrington
The Shock Doctrine - Naomi Klein
Leisureville - Andrew Blechman
In Defense of Food - Michael Pollan
The Ecology of Invasions by Animals and Plants - Charles S. Elton
Hot, Flat, and Crowded - Thomas L. Friedman
Harry Potter y la orden del fenix - J. K. Rowling
Americanism - David Gelernter
The Divine Right of Capital - Marjorie Kelly
The Five Most Important Questions - Peter F. Drucker, Jim Collins
The Wrecking Crew - Thomas Frank
The War Within - Bob Woodward
Harry Potter y el misterio del principe - J. K. Rowling
The Negro in the Making of America - Benjamin Quarles
The Tales of Beedle the Bard - J. K. Rowling
Son of a Witch - Gregory Maguire
The Hampton Affair - Vincent Lardo
The Predator State - James K. Galbraith
A Lion Among Men - Gregory Maguire
Harry Potter y las Reliquias del Muerte - J. K. Rowling
The Reader - Bernhard Schlink
Holidays on Ice - David Sedaris
Stealing Democracy - Spencer Overton