Keeping busy

Usually I do an amazing job of keeping myself busy worrying about things I can't change. More recently I have been keeping busy worrying about stuff I CAN change. This has resulted in a little more satisfaction from a sense of achievement, but there is still an element of worrying that is probably not useful. Not just not useful, but wasteful actually.

I have been doing way too much work for my organization, the NWA Center for Equality. With two very hardworking board members checking out two months before the end of their terms and with the new board members not yet contributing at full speed, there was a lot of work to do. Much of it is the day-to-day "busy" work that makes organizations, especially successful ones, run. I don't much like small detail work. I tend to stay lost in the big picture, looking at everything from a bird's eye view. I notice details...and know a bunch of the small steps it takes for things to succeed...I just don't like doing them. I think my mind is already jumping ahead while I need to be focusing on getting the next little piece of something done. Sometimes you are needed for your great, brilliant, strategic ideas. And sometimes you are needed for thankless grunt work. It's another one of the humbling experiences that we all need to engage in more often. A life of service should be filled with those kinds of moments. Even if you think you are SO amazing and that you have SO much to give the world. Get over yourself and pick up a shovel. Your big ideas will have their day. Sandbags need filled 24/7 during a flood. Shovel.

That little email newsletter that has never been sent out on a regular interval? Well, gathering the relevant info, writing it, getting the appropriate links, testing it, fighting piss poor online email software.....probably 2.5 hours a week or more. Helping keep the Facebook posts and status fresh so that people get the info they need? That takes some time too. Opening the office for a volunteer who needs to do some work? A drive across town doesn't take that long, but it breaks up your day and your plans. A board member or volunteer needs this or that contact info for that one person? Yes, the other board members technically have access to our HORRIBLE online email database, but really it's useless unless you have already wasted hours in it learning. So there is a little more time. Of course with our All OUT June (pride month), there was more planning and organizing than we have EVER had as an organization and it comes just as those retiring board members mentally check out and as the newbies get elected. This means the existing folks have to pull extra hard.

That kind of transition is very normal and to be expected. Those headed out will pull away from duties (though hopefully gracefully by empowering their replacements) and the new folks will have a learning curve as they realize what they actually signed on for. This is the flow of organizations. And yes the natural evolution of organizations includes controversy and disagreement and making some people mad. If you seek to make 100% of people happy 100% of the time you will end up achieving your mission 0% of the time. I have far too often heard people, especially in the LGBT rights movement, say that groups and associations don't last because of some quality of those people involved. I disagree. Those failures are more about the qualities of the people who quit or who never get involved. And I don't mean positive qualities.

The measure of a good organizer is that they organize themselves out of a job. Recruiting, training, empowering, and motivating others to get stuff done is the essence of organizing. I appreciate the volume of work done by the folks that have gone before as I am now doing much of it. However, I don't feel proud because I am doing it. I actually feel like I have failed because I have not figured out away to delegate some of this work to the other board members so that there is a equitable sharing of burden. Though not everything thing can go to volunteers outside of the board, what can must identified and distributed to others. After all, people WANT to help...they just don't know how or aren't asked to. Doing all the work yourself is not a sign of leadership at all. And congratulating yourself and doing the whole martyr thing is not productive.

Many people can get a job done. Far fewer can multiply their effort through the work of others. Even fewer can get that work from people for free. Those who can are called organizers.

Keeping with the idea that I should be worrying about things you have some control over, I guess I should end with the simple, common, and well-known serenity prayer:

God, grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference.

Garden Journal #2

Produce in the Kitchen

Bit of a stretch here, but half the greens are from the garden and the cilantro in the naan is as well. Radishes in the chholey from our garden and Kyle's mother's.

Pulled my first green onion to go into this and decided it would be an Italian flavored soup so in went dry basil from the garden.

Blooms in the Garden

Green beans are blooming. I can't wait for huge pots of green beans!

The mimosa in the back yard is just divine. It makes me appreciate the South.

How a Red State flipped Blue

I wish this was a master discussion of the work I got to help with in Florida during the Obama campaign in 2008, but the state I am talking about is Colorado. I read a good book describing what some might call the "inside baseball." Incidentally this was my first book purchase from an independent bookstore. I tend to get used books from the bookstore, online, or from friends. The trusty library usually helps me as well. This time, Nightbird Books in Fayetteville on Dickson Street special ordered the book for me. I even got a 10% discount for reciting a poem at the counter because it was Poetry Month I guess. Actually I recited two: one in English and one in Spanish. Anyways, onto my book review.

The Blueprint: How the Democrats Won Colorado (and Why Republicans Everywhere Should Care) Adam Schrager and Rob Witwer (@ Amazon.com)

I learned about this book on DailyKos, a very popular progressive political blog. A much better review of the book can be found there, but I wanted to share a bit of what I read and what I thought about it.

Long story short: Colorado was a solid conservative state where Republicans ruled and few thought anything otherwise. In less than a decade a concerted effort flipped both houses of the state legislature, the governorship, and two U.S. Senate seats. Though some demographics where trending towards the Democrats, the real reason for the change was political organizing. How did the Democrats pull it off? Well it wasn't really the Democratic Party of Colorado, but I will get to that in a moment. How did they do it? Money, Discipline, and Unity.

Money
Colorado reformed their campaign finance laws in a way that limited how much individuals could give to candidates. It was intended to decrease the "buying" of candidates and officials by wealthy interests. This law made a national appearance in the form of the McCain-Feingold Act. What these laws did was close the door for donations from the wealthy to candidates, but opened up a new class of political organizations that could act politically, though NOT in direct concert with candidate campaigns. Arkansans got a great taste of these organizations in the recent primary between Senator Blanche Lincoln and Lt. Governor Bill Halter. Anyways, some hugely wealthy folks in Colorado were hugely pissed about the antics of the Republicans in the state government. They decided enough was enough and the way to stop it was to strategically pick off candidates that were most vulnerable and replace them with Democrats.

Discipline
These donors funded multiple organizations with different spheres of influence: a House campaign org, a Senate campaign org, a media watchdog, and others. Each organization was staffed by experienced political organizers (operatives). Though each organization was a separate entity, the donors and even board members had great overlap. With a clear mission, no group had to try to do everything. The ability to have discipline towards mission was granted from the donors: these donors made huge and continued investments and did not meddle in the details. They did NOT micromanage. They hired competent people and let them get to work.

Unity

Though these donors were in general progressive, they had their differences. They also picked the most electable candidates in many of the districts and this lead to differences between the political positions between the Democratic candidates and the progressive donors. They stuck to what they could agree on 90% of the time, and agreed that the mission (turning the state legislature) was worth supporting candidates that did not all have the same beliefs.

So...the campaign finance reforms really killed the "party" as the active machine of getting candidates and agendas into office. What replaced this machine was a loose group of organizations that were more nimble and less likely to be afraid to get dirty. For sure, many of their tactics would be considered "dirty" politics. They did what conservatives (through churches and religious organizations) had done for years. And they did it better than they had ever done. Karl Rove perfected micro-targeting and the Georgia Republicans perfected the 72 turnout machine, but Colorado Republicans never saw it coming. A group of Colorado millionaires decided to put those to work electing a party that would work for the people. And that is what Colorado got.

The Donors: Tim Gill, Jared Polis, and Pat Stryker were the LGBT and Allied ones. Others joined in.

Finally, the Messiah arrives!

No, not Jesus or any other deity for whom we have been waiting. No, the Messiah...as in Handel's Messiah. As in "Hallelujah Chorus" Messiah. There we go...about 5o% of you just said "Ah" in your heads. The other half may need some learnin'.

Though I just got my hands on it, we performed it way back in December. "We" are the members of the University of Arkansas Master Chorale, an ensemble of community members and UofA students, faculty, and staff. I sang with them last fall and it was a great experience. No audition necessary, but it is still a very good group, especially after the University's audition choir (Schola Cantorum) is added in for concerts. Most people sing one or two choruses. That had been my experience as well through Concert Choir at the UofA and in high school. This time was different. We learned and sang every single chorus.

It took a little longer to produce than they had anticipated. I haven't the foggiest idea about recording technology, but they produced an okay product. Several of the audience members said it was the best they had ever heard a live performance. Having the orchestra surely helped this. Having listened to it I can say the vocalists are drowned out by the instrumentalists a bit, but it does sound nice. As always, too many sopranos ruins the balance and a few squeakers hurt the blend, but it is still an enjoyable listen.

I even got all dressed up for it. How nice...a tux..during the holiday season. I clean up alright, don't I?

Garden Journal #1

(This was written about 4 weeks ago, waiting photos for posting)

Kyle's Ambitious Garden Plans
I knew that Kyle wanted a vegetable and herb garden. We talked briefly about it last spring, but decided we were too late to really get started, especially with the work that needed to be done on cleaning up the ice storm damage and putting a new roof on the house. For myself I imagined just one big, long row of something along side the fence. I don't care what it would be, but I had collard greens on my brain I guess. Just a bunch of stuff that I could give away to my friends to prove that I could grow something and to subtly encourage healthy eating habits. Little did I know how grand his plans would grow!

Kyle had something quite different in mind. I should have suspected when he came home with seed packets galore and starter kits. Then came the spreadsheets tracking germination and planning the beds. Oh, the beds! Raised beds! A whole bunch of them! I didn't volunteer to dig out all the grass turf for them, but I have helped a little here and there. As always little side projects distract us from on-going projects or chores. For example the lawn been rarely mowed this spring and taking out the back fence took priority over finishing the soil prep for the raised beds.

Current (May 30th) Garden

My Little Victory

I am probably too impatient to be a successful gardener. I want immediate results that will not fail. The idea of starting from seed and only having 20% of them germinate and survive is nerve-wracking for me. My preference would be annuals in six packs and for sure bulbs like daffodils. Same for vegetables. I was letting Kyle worry about all this seeding business knowing full well that when the time comes for results, I will be buying peppers and tomatoes that have got a good head start in the nursery.

While Kyle has been fooling with the seeds, I had a little surprise that has turned into a small victory. As you have probably read, I have an active compost pile. About two weeks ago I was out turning it when I spotted some new green growth coming out of it. I was not thrilled about this until I realized what it was. GARLIC! I had thrown out some small bulbs that had sprouted and not even thought about them taking root. I did a little research and decided that I was going to grow garlic this year. They should have been started back in about November for a long growing season, and they recommend starters that are certified disease free, but any kind of green growth makes me happy. So I grabbed a few more of the old garlic bulbs that really are past their prime, and planted them in my little hill of cooked compost from last year. They all rooted just fine and now they have been transplanted in the newly prepared raised bed.

Garlic bed as of May 30th

My victory is that with basically no work, I have green and growing plants that are bigger and prettier than anything Kyle has. Of course they will not produce the best results because they need a long growing season, but hey, they look pretty! (UPDATE: Garlic is in a normal bed now)

Now the question is should I transplant the three potato chunks that have sprouted in my active compost pile as well? It wasn't in the plans for the garden, but perhaps I should just try them out! (UPDATE: I did transplant the potato starts)

Done foolin' myself or: how I learned to stop rationalizing and leave the Church

UPDATE: A needed note. Someone called out a mistake in my writing. Well into this I talk about being a "deeper" Catholic than some. I was out of line on that one. I should have said that I attend church more often and participate more than some. Thank you H.

**************************************************************

This is the letter I am sending one of the campus ministers who helps run the campus Catholic parish that I attend in Fayetteville, Arkansas. I started attending this church when I was in grade school and returned to it when I became a college student. I am a core member of their wonderful little choir. The campus minister is NOT a priest...just a "helper" I guess. This campus minister has been there for much of my college experience and I greatly respect and appreciate her. I have talked many times with her about my doubts regarding the moral authority of the Church. Here, I tell her my journey with the Catholic Church is over.

__________________________________________________

******,

I am thinking that this will be my last semester at St. Thomas Aquinas. I have spent 10 years since having come out trying to rationalize how my participation in the Church does not harm millions of LGBT people, women, and the poor around the world.

I told myself that because I have not donated money in years, that I am not supporting the Church. I have told myself that I sing not out of service to the Church, but for personal enjoyment and the ego boost I get when someone gives us a compliment. I have stopped receiving communion because I don't want to pretend to even myself that I believe all that the Church stands for.

I was already drifting, but recent events have made the cognitive dissonance impossible to maintain. First, I personally know the gentleman who was sexually assaulted by the priest at St. Joseph in Fayetteville, and I completely believe his story. Yet I hear the priest is soon receiving a new assignment.

More important though, is the recent revelations surrounding Cardinal Ratzinger. I knew I didn't like him to begin with. I much prefer the spiritual leadership of two previous popes who died before I was even born. I have long rationalized that American Catholics follow their own beliefs and that the American Bishops sometime reflect this. Telling myself that I can be an American Catholic, and believe along with my peers that things like birth control are humane and not in conflict with G-d, used to comfort me and silence the questions from my friends, both non-believers and recovering Catholics in the LGBT and progressive communities.

Any kind of effort to hide the evil actions of priests is beyond rationalization. Keeping information from legal authorities is not just a sin against the state and its citizens, but it is a sin against G-d and his children. Cardinal Ratzinger equates freedom and equality for gay people with a violent act against human dignity. Out of the other side of his mouth he directs the Church to shelter those who act to destroy individual humans and families. I don't think the Church should hand down judgment as if they were G-d, but at minimum they should protect their members AND obey the law.

A sad fact of this is that I am probably a deeper Catholic in many ways than other people my age, or even my three brothers. My moral code is drawn from the teachings of Jesus and from the traditions of the Semitic people. My sense of humility (which sometimes keeps be from trying to succeed for myself) and duty to those less fortunate drive my political beliefs. I think politics should bring the gifts of G-d to the biggest number of people possible. The proverb of fish versus fishing means to me not that we “teach” people to somehow raise themselves to the middle class, or even to the working class for those in the developing world. I believe that the message for our day is that we should not temporarily relieve poverty or suffering and attach a deadline for such assistance. I believe we are to create an economy where there are so many opportunities and incentives for people to provide for themselves. If there are not enough jobs because of how we structure the perverse incentives of our greed as an economy, then we should provide for those that fall through the cracks. We should always be humble….and being humble to those around you is being humble to G-d.

The Bible talks far more about poverty and how we treat money than it talks about any of the issues that seemingly divide Americans today. The insistence of the Church on elevating issues of personal freedom like sexuality and contraception detracts from the great and pressing evil of governments that assist humanity in fulfilling en masse the basest of urges: greed. While the Church uses scare tactics and moralizing to discourage condom use in Africa, millions are infected with HIV and their illness wreaks havoc on the micro and macro economies in their nations. In this country the Church equates marriage equality to a threat against human dignity and an attack on families. Meanwhile our collective greed was allowed to entice families into situations so precarious that the slightest change in their financial situation sent them into bankruptcy and foreclosure. The statistics say nothing ruins a marriage and threatens the family like bankruptcy. The anecdotal evidence tends to agree.

I am at the point that I think calling myself a Catholic and associating with the Church is not my best option if I am to continue to try to contribute to a world that is worthy of a creator G-d. I feel like I will no longer attend a Catholic church regularly. Being invited to sing for weddings or funerals is still something that will draw me back from time to time. Attending in order to celebrate special personal rituals of my family members will also call me back. Whether I will call myself ex-Catholic or a recovering Catholic is a good question. Non-practicing? A cultural Catholic? Where do I go? The Unitarian Universalists?

So here I am on Holy Thursday about to leave the Church. I will fulfill my obligation to sing at Easter Mass and our upcoming Multicultural Mass. I owe that to my choir director and the people with whom I have enjoyed singing. I don’t owe the Church anything else and if I owe G-d and his people something, it certainly won’t be repaid through the Catholic Church.

******, your guidance has helped me to continue my faith journey at St. Thomas Aquinas. I feel that you reminded me that despite my frustrations that I should remain humble, be introspective, and seek to understand some universal wisdoms. You made me feel welcome as a human being. That respect was one of very few reasons why I tried to continue growing my resolve that the core Catholic teachings about what we are to do on this Earth are good and true things. Thank you for your patience and service to humanity.

Sincerely,

Casey Willits

PS. Feel free to share this with either Father or those with whom you work. Understanding the inner conflict of a rational and educated student surely helps St. Thomas Aquinas minister to the University of Arkansas community.

What is your Pearl Harbor?

During any discussion of current politics, one of my brothers always points out that he doesn’t want the rules to change midgame. He feels like significant changes in healthcare, tax structure, and global climate change are unfair to those who are in the middle of their lives. Now, says he doesn’t purposely want to destroy the environment or deny people medical care, but he doesn’t want to be told what he can and can’t do and he doesn’t want to have to pay for other people.

So let me get this right: changing our expectations and our commitments in a changing world is un-American? Liberals and Democrats are lambasted as un-American because they see current challenges abroad and within as calls to collective action and higher duty?

Where is this coming from you ask? What set you off this time Casey?

Well, let’s start at McDonalds at about 8:15 this morning. For a grad student like me with mainly night classes and flexible research hours, this is actually early for me to be up and around. Normally for breakfast I try to eat two eggs at home with some kind of fruit and a little whole grain, but this morning was just another piece of a horrible week and a half, so I threw my hands up and surrendered to mass produced food-like products.

Considering that my grandparents live at least 4 hours away and I am perpetually stuck in either collegiate or organizing mode, I don’t have a lot of contact with folks who are significantly older than me. But like many McDonalds during breakfast hours, the McDonalds closest to campus had a fairly good sized crowd of older folks “dining” this morning. There were two noticeable groups actually. I will get to the second one in a minute, but the older crowd is what made me start thinking first. The older crowd tended towards men and coffee. Some perhaps were only there for coffee and a few were reading newspapers. Most were probably retired but I heard one talking about a job he had to do next week. A few wives had tagged along with their husbands. These folks were probably the age of my grandparents. WWII cohort. The Greatest Generation. I didn’t listen long enough to hear any general political talk, but I heard a random “Russia didn’t even win a gold medal”, a reference to what I thought was an amazing Winter Olympics in Vancouver. Nothing special here really, just a bunch of old men enjoying coffee with their friends.

Now, about these old men coffee drinkers and the Greatest Generation. The world owes the relative “peace” of the last 6 decades to this generation. They were presented with a situation that called for sacrifice and changed expectations. A changing world called on them to create a new reality. As the world continues to change and we are presented with new situations, wouldn’t it make sense that we must change with the changing times?

I say accepting new conditions and proactively attacking the coming problems is as honorable as what Americans did during WWII. They certainly accepted a way of life far different than they would have preferred. We complain about regulations that might possibly raise the price of dirty energy or gas guzzling cars, but they couldn’t buy cars at all during the war. Why not tax sugary drinks that are fueling our obesity crisis when our forefathers experienced rationing of sugar, butter, and all kinds of things in order to achieve a group goal.

I guess sacrifice is more honorable when it comes voluntarily from every single individual, but plenty of those soldiers in WWII and Korea and Vietnam were conscripted. We certainly don’t down play what they did and their forced sacrifice is still probably what was needed.

The United States probably should have entered WWII before they did. It was too controversial to step into the war before we were totally surprised at Pearl Harbor. Sure, many people then volunteered with the threat of imminent destruction at hand. Are we going to have to wait until disastrous conditions occur? What if it is too late with too many PPM CO2 in the atmosphere? Do we have to wait for universal health insurance until it is evident that the American economy cannot afford to spend nearly double what other countries spend? How long must we give tax breaks to the rich holding onto the idea that it will make anyone but the wealthy wealthier?

So tell me climate change skeptics, what is your Pearl Harbor? At what point will you believe and allow substantial policy change to occur?

Middle income and working class Americans who face service cuts and tax hikes, what is your Pearl Harbor? At what point will you ally yourselves with each other, rather than with the wealthy whom you hope to someday join?

All you Americans who fear insurance and medical bills getting in the way of your dreams, what is your Pearl Harbor? At what point will you demand care for people over profits?

What is your Pearl Harbor?